Duck! The Carbine High Massacre

William Hellfire

Derwin

Joey Smack

Derick

Erin Brown

Bible Girl

Lilly Tiger

Play Girl

Michael L. Raso

Young Derwin / The Police Chief

Pete Jacelone

The Janitor

John Link

Scientist

John Paul Fedele

G.U.N. Association Representative

Chris Perez

Car Kid

Henry Krinkle

Retard

Mikey Ovum

Spam Jock

Ryan Trimmer

Benchpress

Kendall 'Shorty' Ward

Afro-American

Marie Mazur

Song Girl

Mike Ronor

Goth Boy

Liz Bathory

Goth Girl

Michael Lema

No Info Boy

Jacqueline D'angelo

911 Dispatcher

Michelle Chard

911 Girl

Beef Hunkster

Teacher

Stephen Harris

The Fathers

Pamela Anne

The Mothers

Larry Wellman

The Principal

Pete Floris

Internet Teacher